Cheese Sex Death

An erotic guide to life's greatest pleasure

The Sexiest Cheese Haikus 2019

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Make Love to Cheese Haku Contest Entries 2019

Hope You Got A Spare Pair of Panties on Hand.

The 4th annual Make Love to Cheese Haiku Contest has officially closed, and da-yum you guys killed it! This year’s batch was sexier, naughtier, and more arousing than ever before. Thank you for proclaiming your love of cheese and firing up my loins with your dirty curd words. Your passion and devotion warm my heart like a pot of fondue.

So get yourself an indulgent cheese platter, and feast as you scroll through the sexiest list of cheese haikus on the net. You’ll find the winning entry and the two runners-up at the bottom.

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The 4th Annual Make Love to Cheese Cheese Haiku Contest!

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Make Love to Cheese Cheese Haiku Contest Main

Photo by Good Pepper

Make love to cheese with your words

 
The Make Love to Cheese haiku contest is back, and I’m calling on all you cheese lovers to proclaim your deepest, wildest fromage fantasies in one heartfelt haiku. The sexiest, most passionate toe-curling entry will win a box of cheese from Emmi Roth, handpicked by yours truly, and 2 runners-up will win 1 cheese pin of their choice. For the official rules, start scrolling.

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Cheese Haikus 2018

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Cheese Haikus 2018

The Sexiest Cheese Haikus
Ever Written

The third annual Make Love to Cheese Haiku Contest is officially closed! Thank you all for igniting our deepest desires with your dirty curd words. Your devotion to dairy melts my heart like a baked brie

Get yourself a sensual cheese platter, and scroll through these sexy cheese haikus. You’ll find the winning entry at the bottom.

Happy Valentine’s!

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2018 Cheese Haiku Contest!

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2018 Cheese Haiku Contest

Make love to cheese

with your words

How much do you ♥ cheese?
Does a luscious log of fresh chèvre make your heart skip a beat?
Do the velvet pockets in a wedge of bleu make your body tremble?
Does the sight of a ripe, oozing brie make your panties wet? 
 Tell me about it.
 
I’m calling on all you cheese lovers to proclaim your deepest, wildest fromage fantasies
in one heartfelt haiku.
The sexiest, most passionate toe-curling entry will win a box of
3 hand-selected cheeses from Cheesemonger Box.
2 runners-up will win 1 cheese pin of their choice.
For the official rules, start scrolling.

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Make Love to Cheese Haiku Contest Entries 2017

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Cheese Haiku - Dessert Cheese Plate

The Sexiest Cheese Haikus
Ever Written

The second annual Make Love to Cheese Haiku Contest has officially closed!  
Thank you all for igniting our deepest desires with your dirty curd words.
This year’s entries aroused much more than just a hunger for cheese.
I read every one of the 43 haikus over a truly sensual cheese plate.
I suggest you do the same. 

Scroll along for the naughtiest cheese haikus ever written.
For the winning entry and details on the above cheese plate
go all the way down.

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It’s Back! Cheese Haiku Contest + Vermont Creamery Giveaway

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Cheese Haiku Contest Vermont Creamery Giveaway

Make love to cheese
with your words

How much do you love cheese?
Does the sight of a ripe wedge make your heart sing?
Does a funky wheel of chèvre make your body tremble?
Tell me about it.
I’m calling on all you cheese lovers to proclaim 
your deepest, wildest brie desires and feta fantasies
in one heartfelt haiku.
The sexiest, most passionate toe-curling entry
will win 5 sultry goat cheeses from Vermont Creamery,
 pictured below.

For official rules,
start scrolling.

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It’s The Best List of Cheese Haikus on the Internet!

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Valentine's Plate

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

G.K. Chesterton

Cheese is capable of inspiring some of the purest emotions in us, but sexy cheese poetry evokes a whole new spectrum of feelings.  I had no idea the difficulty of judging a cheese haiku contest, so I ended up gathering a jury of friends and we read them all aloud repeatedly until we nailed down our favorite. I had already planned on sharing a few on the Valentine’s edition of Cheese Church (every Sunday on my Instagram page), but I only really had room for five poems. They all  deserve to be seen and appreciated by everyone so I gathered them all together for you to enjoy. Prepare to feel hungry, a little horny, and maybe slightly offended. 

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Make Love to Cheese With Your Words: Haiku Contest with a Vermont Creamery Prize

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Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

This is Your Chance to Prove How Much
You Really Love Cheese

Alright you dairy darlings, I’m calling on you to proclaim all of your deepest, wildest desires and feelings for cheese in one heartfelt haiku. The most passionate and beautiful haiku will win a Valentine’s Day gift box from Vermont Creamery, including all of the cheese pictured below. Accoutrement and beautiful woman not included. Scroll down for official rules.

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

Is this turning you on?

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

That soft, pillowy rind…

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

… those sexy wrinkles…

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

… that supple, velvety curd…

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

It’s enough to inspire some sweet, sweet music… or at least a lovely haiku.

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

Hope you get lucky…

Sexy Cheese Plate Vermont Creamery Giveaway

Rules//

  • Write 1 haiku about how much you truly love cheese. The poem must have seventeen syllables, in three lines of five, seven, and five. 
  • Comment on this post with your submission by 11:59PM on Saturday, February 13th. 
  • Limit one entry per person. 
  • The winner will be announced during cheese church on Sunday, February 14th. Follow @CheeseSexDeath on Instagram and watch the hashtag #cheesechurch.

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