A Wisconsin Legend
These two pieces of cheese might not look alike, but they’re both cheddars.
The one on the left is from Wisconsin, and the other is from Scotland.
One’s smooth and meltable, and the other’s crumbly and grassy.
But both cheeses are from the same cheddar family.
So why do they look and taste so different?…
Gjetost (yeh-toast) is a traditional brown cheese from Norway that tastes a lot
like butterscotch and sticks to the roof of your mouth like peanut butter.
It’s not fancy, it doesn’t have mold, and it’s not even really cheese –
but It’s damned delicious….
What’s My Name? Midnight Moon
What Kind of Cheese Am I? I’m an aged gouda made from goat’s milk and cloaked in black wax.
Where Am I From? I’m made in the Netherlands and sold by Cypress Grove in California.
Three Words That Describe Me: Mysterious, suave, voluptuous
Fun Fact: There is a portrait of a beautiful women on my surface, stylishly dressed, with ivory skin and black hair. Her name is Bella-Bella daBall.
What Do I Smell Like? Ripening fruit and sweet cream.
What Do I Feel Like? Smooth, firm, and studded with cheese crystals. Once I hit your tongue, I melt into silk.
What Do I Taste Like? Brown butter with a kiss of caramel and summer berries.
Favorite Foods: You can take me sweet or savory. I’m angelic alongside herbed olives and warm baguette; fig jam teases out my caramelized notes; I’m also a terrific melter, so bed me in warm bread and some fresh berries
Favorite Beverages: A malty Belgian beer does the dirtiest things to my fruity character – think mouthfuls of melting brown butter cake. A sparkling rosé is a beautiful pairing with my blush complexion, too. like all things bright and fresh. Try me with a wheat beer, sauvignon blanc, and young pinot noir.
Where to Find Me: Most cheese counters and specialty grocers carry me – just look for the logo.
Special thanks to Cypress Grove for sending over a sample of me to the Cheese Sex Death headquarters!
Emmentaler is the single most iconic Swiss cheese, but I bet you’ve never eaten one like this before. Over the years, generic Swiss cheese has flooded the market, making the true OG a severely endangered species. But those bland, rubbery, shrink-wrapped imitations have nothing on the real Emmentaler.
I often compare wonderful food to beautiful women. An infamous Instagram post in which I compared a perfect quiche to Kate Upton’s voluptuous breasts actually dismantled a friendship – inevitable, but still sad. Anyway, I compare good food to sexy ladies because they combine my two most basic primal instincts: eating and fucking. So when other people make the same comparison, I get really excited.
A couple weeks ago, the following image of Lola Montez waltzed into my Facebook feed and I was entranced.