These Pairings Are Sexy AF, So Copy Them Exactly
Spruce Up That Cheese Plate
Ain’t nothing sexier than a woodsy, spoonable, bark-wrapped cheese, especially on a crisp autumn evening. These guys originated in the Alps, where, once fall hits, dairy cows switch their diet from fresh grasses to hay, which makes their milk much richer. When you turn that rich milk into cheese, it tends to get so soft and runny that the wheels fall apart. To keep them intact, farmers wrap them in a strip of spruce bark—which also lends a sweet, piney quality to the cheese, kind of like what happens to whiskey in an oak barrel.
There are tons of different spruce-wrapped cheeses to try, from European classics like Vacherin Mont d’Or and Forsterkäse, to American varieties like Rush Creek Reserve or this Greensward here. Each of these, of course, has its own unique flavors, but almost all share hints of bacon and a cozy aroma of pinecones. Whichever variety you choose, the best way to indulge in this orgasmic flavorgy is by taking her top off and diving straight into her custardy center.
Here’s how to serve spruce-wrapped cheese in three simple steps.
A Little Something to Cozy Up With
Live Your Best Cheese Plate Life
Having the necessities to whip up a platter at any time is essential to the cheese slut lifestyle.
Whether for an impromptu gathering or just to treat yourself to dinner,
you’ll be prepared if you keep stocked with something from each category below.
These are the four cheese board essentials I always have on hand.
I would like it explained to me in writing
what’s so great about apple butter.
– Tina Fey, Bossypants
I’ve been searching for the answer to this ever since
I first read Tina’s memoire, Bossypants.
Surely, it’s not as good as real butter. Nothing is.
It’s basically just grown up apple sauce. What’s the point?
It wasn’t until I first smeared a small chunk of cheddar
with the stuff that I discovered the answer.
So here you go, Tina: apple butter, which is result of boiling
the souls of many apples with harvest spices, is fantastic with cheese.
The soft, velvety texture cloaks your palate in sweet, spicy autumnal flavors,
cradling all hunks of cheese from creamy and funky to salty and crumbly.
A good apple butter will truly enhance nearly any cheese,
like the accoutrement version of a sexy halloween costume.
I recommend making it yourself. It’s pretty easy and you can choose your own spices.
Here are a couple of my favorite pairings
to tease you before you go play yourself.
It’s getting hot out there
so take out all your cheese
A cheese platter is always the perfect meal, especially in the heat of late summer.
They’re portable and make the best picnic,
you don’t have to turn on the stove or oven,
and they make a seductive little canvas for the fruits of the season.
It’s important to approach late-summer platters with finesse,
otherwise the sun and sticky humidity will turn that pretty spread into a hot mess.
Here are a few tips to help you keep your chill
when you’re cheesing in the heat.
Halloween is my favorite time of year by far. Watching horror movies, screaming my way through haunted houses, dressing up like a ghoul – I love it all. Of course, I celebrate my favorite holiday the same way I celebrate anything, with a festive cheese platter. It’s easy and will complete your Halloween gathering. Even if you’re one of those people who hates dressing up, I promise, no one will even notice if you bring a spooky cheese plate to the party. You just need to know how to throw one together. Here’s how to do it in 3 simple steps.
Luscious Fig Pairings for Lushes
Is there anything sexier than a fig? We’ve been seduced by their juicy flesh since Eve gave into temptation in Eden. Fresh, dried, or jammed, they pair with almost anything, from salty blues to creamy bries. Just a few scattered onto a simple cheese board brings it all together.
Which is why I got so excited when Vero Kherian of MissCheesemonger.com, one of my favorite food blogs, invited me to a digital party with California figs.
All I had to do was come up with two pairings. How easy is that?
But I’m not one for being easy – I’m one for getting drunk.
So I made two boozy pairings
to get this fig party started.
Bleu d’Auvergne Goes with Everything
Just Like Your Favorite Cardigan
It finally feels like fall here in Chicago and I’m ready for roasted root vegetables, spiced apple pie, and too much whiskey.
You know what goes well with all of those things? Bleu d’Auvergne, a mild and rustic blue cheese from France.
It’s affordable, widely available, and easy to pair with any combination of fall flavors,
from spiced pumpkin to caramel apples.
You can crumble it on almost anything. Here are three bites to inspire all your bleu fantasies.