Healthy Hump Day: Celebrate Regularity!
The four best feelings in the world:
1. the sensation of cheese on the tongue
2. an orgasm
3. a full tummy
4. a satisfying poop
People don’t like to talk about pooping, but your number twos can reveal a lot about your emotional and physical health.Are you stressed? Are you getting enough probiotics and fiber? Did you eat corn yesterday?
If you’re going to eat as much cheese as I do, you have to take
special care of your bowels. But how?
- Start off by incorporating fiber in your diet with fresh vegetables, fruits and seeds. Cheese does not have fiber, so you’ll have to get that elsewhere. Don’t take fiber supplements, because that shit is disgusting. Most whole foods are naturally rich in fiber, so if you’re eating a plant-based diet you’re bound to have orgasmic, game changing poops. At the same time, drastically changing your diet will plug you up, so start by gradually swapping out simple carbohydrates like bread for whole foods like vegetables. If you need a little extra something to get things started, try a marinated kale salad. The fatty oil in the dressing adds a little lubrication and helps you absorb nutrients.
- Stay extremely hydrated. Poop is mostly water, so you have to stay hydrated to keep that fiber moving through your system. If you’re dehydrated, all those plants are going to chill in your stomach, wearing out their welcome and making you really bloated. Double your water intake as you incorporate fiber.
- Eat 4 – 6 times a day. Do you love to eat? Obviously you do. The good news is that grazing all day on 4 – 6 smaller meals will keep you full and pooping. Eating throughout the day stabilizes your blood sugar and insulin levels, which strengthens your metabolism and keeps your body digesting all day long. That means you’ll poop more often, experience more enjoyment, and therefore be a happier person. Aid your transition into pooping nirvana by snacking on yogurt and even try making your own.
That’s right, guys. I found the key to happiness. It’s poop. I’m not a nutritionist. But I am one of the most regular girls you’ll ever meet.