KISS: Keep It Simple (&) Sexy
It’s way simpler to assemble and you can get a little kinkier with pairings.
and approachable enough to tempt warier eaters.
Enter Bonhomme Brie from Isigny Ste-Mére.
What’s My Name? Marieke Gouda Aged.
What Kind of Cheese Am I? A raw cow’s milk gouda, made with local milk using an Old World Dutch recipe and aged 9-12 months.
Where Am I From? Thorp, Wisconsin.
Three Words That Describe Me: mature, charming, and rugged.
Fun Fact: I’m a Wisconsin original, but I’m made using cultures and equipment imported directly from Holland.
What Do I Look Like? Champagne-colored paste studded with crystals, enrobed in an orange rind.
What Do I Smell Like? Tangy and sweet, like butterscotch.
What Do I Feel Like? Firm and flaky with a crunch from the Tyrosine crystals.
What Do I Taste Like? Wholesome and buttery, with robust notes of toffee
Favorite Foods: Shave thin slices of me onto baguette and dollop with fig preserves or drizzle me with bourbon caramel and pair with apples.
Favorite Beverages: Strong and stirred whiskey cocktails bring out my caramel sweetness. Contrast my sweet side with hot black coffee or a dark, burly stout.
Last night I taught a cheese and witchcraft class in my hometown Chicago.
That might seem a little weird at first: how exactly does cheese relate to witchcraft?
Obviously cheese makes anything taste like magick,
but the relationship between the two doesn’t stop there.
Cheese also has a magickal history.
Throughout history, dairy maids were accused of witchcraft when their cows
produced particularly abundant milk or their cheeses were wicked tasty.
Others were accused of cursing their neighbor’s cheese production
when their yields were poor or their cows went dry.
People have also used cheese in rituals and offerings as a symbol of prosperity.
Some have read rind formations, as one would tea leaves.
In Icelandic folklore, male cheesemakers would mark their wheels
and send them off to maidens, who, upon eating it, would fall in love with them.
And finally, cheese has long been paired with magickal herbs, fruits, and drinks
and eaten with an intention to cast a spell.
The relation makes sense: there is something fundamentally magickal about cheese.
The shapeshifting transformation from milk to curd appears miraculous.
Cheese possesses the power to seduce us and leave us craving more.
It puts us under a spell.
Here are 5 of the witchiest cheeses to spook up
your Halloween cheese platter.
I would like it explained to me in writing
what’s so great about apple butter.
– Tina Fey, Bossypants
I’ve been searching for the answer to this ever since
I first read Tina’s memoire, Bossypants.
Surely, it’s not as good as real butter. Nothing is.
It’s basically just grown up apple sauce. What’s the point?
It wasn’t until I first smeared a small chunk of cheddar
with the stuff that I discovered the answer.
So here you go, Tina: apple butter, which is result of boiling
the souls of many apples with harvest spices, is fantastic with cheese.
The soft, velvety texture cloaks your palate in sweet, spicy autumnal flavors,
cradling all hunks of cheese from creamy and funky to salty and crumbly.
A good apple butter will truly enhance nearly any cheese,
like the accoutrement version of a sexy halloween costume.
I recommend making it yourself. It’s pretty easy and you can choose your own spices.
Here are a couple of my favorite pairings
to tease you before you go play yourself.
A cheese platter is always the perfect meal, especially in the heat of late summer.
They’re portable and make the best picnic,
you don’t have to turn on the stove or oven,
and they make a seductive little canvas for the fruits of the season.
It’s important to approach late-summer platters with finesse,
otherwise the sun and sticky humidity will turn that pretty spread into a hot mess.
Here are a few tips to help you keep your chill
when you’re cheesing in the heat.
What’s My Name? Bonne Bouche
What Kind of Cheese Am I? I’m an ash-ripened goat cheese with a soft, wrinkly rind. My makers styled me after the famous chévres from the Loire Valley in France.
Where Am I From? Born and raised in Websterville, Vermont by Vermont Creamery
Three Words That Describe Me: Seductive, tart, lush
Fun Fact: My name is French for “good mouth(feel).” Let me melt on your palate, and you’ll understand why
What Do I Smell Like? Like fresh lemon rind and raw hazelnuts, with a funky side that develops as I ripen
What Do I Feel Like? Fluffy and cake-like when young, silky and gooey when ripe
What Do I Taste Like? Sweet, cultured butter with delicate floral notes.
Favorite Foods: My favorite accessories are fig jam, prosciutto, and warm baguette. I love getting dressed up for dessert with chocolate covered almonds, tart cherries, and almond cookies. I’m also irresistible naked.
Favorite Beverages: I love crisp and bubbly beers like saisons, they cut right through my rich insides. Good rieslings, sauvignon blanc and tart rosés also treat me very well.
Where to Find Me: Most cheese counters and specialty grocers carry me – just look for the logo.
Special thanks to Vermont Creamery for sending over a sample of me
to the Cheese Sex Death headquarters!
Some cherries are so tart, it hurts to eat them.
While I like a little masochism here and there,
their intensity can overwhelm the delicate flavors in artisan cheese.
Gently roasting tart cherries teases out their sweetness and softens their texture.
They make soft bries and chèvres taste like cheesecake
and play off the fruity notes in aged goat goudas like Midnight Moon.
They’re also striking and luscious atop this Mascarpone Chèvre Tart.
I Goat The Whole Package
What’s My Name? Bucheron
What Kind of Cheese Am I? I’m a soft goat’s milk cheese with a bloomy rind.
Where Am I From? I was born in the Loire Valley in France, but there are versions of me that are made in America, too.
Three Words That Describe Me: Approachable, pert, smooth-talker.
Fun Fact: My name is French for “lumberjack” because I’m shaped like a log. Let that fuel your fantasy…
What Do I Smell Like? Clean, grassy, with a little minerality.
What Do I Feel Like? I have a thin white rind with a gooey cream-line and a dense, cakey interior.
What Do I Taste Like? Buttery with a lemony tang; I get a little peppery as I age.
Favorite Foods: I can do it savory or sweet, whatever you desire. Try me with French ham, olives, and crusty bread, or pair me with berries, nuts, and honey. I also melt really nicely 😉.
Favorite Beverages: I like all things bright and fresh. Try me with a wheat beer, sauvignon blanc, young pinot noir, or sparkling rosé.
Where to Find Me: Most cheese counters and specialty grocers carry me – just look for the log.
Thanks to Montchevre for gifting me this bucheron and inspiring this post!