These Pairings Are Sexy AF, So Copy Them Exactly
Happy Summer, Cheese Sluts!
Time to celebrate over a big ole cheese plate filled with ripe berries and crisp veggies.
Grayson from Meadow Creek Dairy
Pudgy Washed Rinds
These guys are as voluptuous as a ripe wedge of brie, but they won’t melt in the sun.
They just sort of relax and get jiggly, like a perfectly toasted marshmallow.
Take them on a picnic with baguette and a couple berries.
but a young hunk of block cheddar leaks out less moisture and becomes flexible rather than rigid.
Get kinky with a pepper-infused or smoked variety and eat with summer sausage and cold beer.
It also doesn’t sweat much, unlike cow’s and sheep’s milk varieties that tend to get weirdly moist.
Get something local if you can; fresh cheeses are at their sexiest when devoured soon after they’re made.
Look for blues that crumble instead of spread, like Mountain Gorgonzola or Bay Blue from Point Reyes.
Serve with fresh cherries and oatmeal cookies.
me samples of the cheeses pictured in the cheese plate above!
It’s Cheese Sex Death’s 3rd Birthday!
How does one start a blog called Cheese Sex Death?
A lot of people ask me how I became a full-time cheese preacher,
going from enthusiastic eater to grating Parmigiano
directly into my mouth for thousands of followers.
It’s been a bumpy little ride, with lots of ups and downs and utter failures.
Let me take you through it.
Live Your Best Cheese Plate Life
Having the necessities to whip up a platter at any time is essential to the cheese slut lifestyle.
Whether for an impromptu gathering or just to treat yourself to dinner,
you’ll be prepared if you keep stocked with something from each category below.
These are the four cheese board essentials I always have on hand.
The Sexiest Cheese Haikus
The third annual Make Love to Cheese Haiku Contest is officially closed!
Thank you all for igniting our deepest desires with your dirty curd words.
Your devotion to dairy melts my heart like a baked brie
Get yourself a sensual cheese platter,
and scroll through these sexy cheese haikus.
You’ll find the winning entry at the bottom.
Poppin’ Bottles, Cuttin’ Cheese
KISS: Keep It Simple (&) Sexy
It’s way simpler to assemble and you can get a little kinkier with pairings.
and approachable enough to tempt warier eaters.
Enter Bonhomme Brie from Isigny Ste-Mére.
So many cheese crystals, I’m like the geode of gouda
What’s My Name? Marieke Gouda Aged.
What Kind of Cheese Am I? A raw cow’s milk gouda, made with local milk using an Old World Dutch recipe and aged 9-12 months.
Where Am I From? Thorp, Wisconsin.
Three Words That Describe Me: mature, charming, and rugged.
Fun Fact: I’m a Wisconsin original, but I’m made using cultures and equipment imported directly from Holland.
What Do I Look Like? Champagne-colored paste studded with crystals, enrobed in an orange rind.
What Do I Smell Like? Tangy and sweet, like butterscotch.
What Do I Feel Like? Firm and flaky with a crunch from the Tyrosine crystals.
What Do I Taste Like? Wholesome and buttery, with robust notes of toffee
Favorite Foods: Shave thin slices of me onto baguette and dollop with fig preserves or drizzle me with bourbon caramel and pair with apples.
Favorite Beverages: Strong and stirred whiskey cocktails bring out my caramel sweetness. Contrast my sweet side with hot black coffee or a dark, burly stout.
Conjuring Cheese Pairings
Last night I taught a cheese and witchcraft class in my hometown Chicago.
That might seem a little weird at first: how exactly does cheese relate to witchcraft?
Obviously cheese makes anything taste like magick,
but the relationship between the two doesn’t stop there.
Cheese also has a magickal history.
Throughout history, dairy maids were accused of witchcraft when their cows
produced particularly abundant milk or their cheeses were wicked tasty.
Others were accused of cursing their neighbor’s cheese production
when their yields were poor or their cows went dry.
People have also used cheese in rituals and offerings as a symbol of prosperity.
Some have read rind formations, as one would tea leaves.
In Icelandic folklore, male cheesemakers would mark their wheels
and send them off to maidens, who, upon eating it, would fall in love with them.
And finally, cheese has long been paired with magickal herbs, fruits, and drinks
and eaten with an intention to cast a spell.
The relation makes sense: there is something fundamentally magickal about cheese.
The shapeshifting transformation from milk to curd appears miraculous.
Cheese possesses the power to seduce us and leave us craving more.
It puts us under a spell.
Here are 5 of the witchiest cheeses to spook up
your Halloween cheese platter.