More OG than Stilton Himself
Having the necessities to whip up a platter at any time is essential to the cheese slut lifestyle.
Whether for an impromptu gathering or just to treat yourself to dinner,
you’ll be prepared if you keep stocked with something from each category below.
These are the four cheese board essentials I always have on hand.
You’re going to fall in love with this macaroni and cheese for three reasons:
it’s infused with sage and nutmeg, it’s made with “butter cheese,”
and it only requires 1 pot and 30 minutes to make.
There’s no better time to eat carbs coated in cheese than in the dead of winter.
This recipe is really no more difficult or tedious than boxed mac,
but it’s a way bigger upgrade.
What’s My Name? Marieke Gouda Aged.
What Kind of Cheese Am I? A raw cow’s milk gouda, made with local milk using an Old World Dutch recipe and aged 9-12 months.
Where Am I From? Thorp, Wisconsin.
Three Words That Describe Me: mature, charming, and rugged.
Fun Fact: I’m a Wisconsin original, but I’m made using cultures and equipment imported directly from Holland.
What Do I Look Like? Champagne-colored paste studded with crystals, enrobed in an orange rind.
What Do I Smell Like? Tangy and sweet, like butterscotch.
What Do I Feel Like? Firm and flaky with a crunch from the Tyrosine crystals.
What Do I Taste Like? Wholesome and buttery, with robust notes of toffee
Favorite Foods: Shave thin slices of me onto baguette and dollop with fig preserves or drizzle me with bourbon caramel and pair with apples.
Favorite Beverages: Strong and stirred whiskey cocktails bring out my caramel sweetness. Contrast my sweet side with hot black coffee or a dark, burly stout.
Last night I taught a cheese and witchcraft class in my hometown Chicago.
That might seem a little weird at first: how exactly does cheese relate to witchcraft?
Obviously cheese makes anything taste like magick,
but the relationship between the two doesn’t stop there.
Cheese also has a magickal history.
Throughout history, dairy maids were accused of witchcraft when their cows
produced particularly abundant milk or their cheeses were wicked tasty.
Others were accused of cursing their neighbor’s cheese production
when their yields were poor or their cows went dry.
People have also used cheese in rituals and offerings as a symbol of prosperity.
Some have read rind formations, as one would tea leaves.
In Icelandic folklore, male cheesemakers would mark their wheels
and send them off to maidens, who, upon eating it, would fall in love with them.
And finally, cheese has long been paired with magickal herbs, fruits, and drinks
and eaten with an intention to cast a spell.
The relation makes sense: there is something fundamentally magickal about cheese.
The shapeshifting transformation from milk to curd appears miraculous.
Cheese possesses the power to seduce us and leave us craving more.
It puts us under a spell.
Here are 5 of the witchiest cheeses to spook up
your Halloween cheese platter.
What’s My Name? Grayson
What Kind of Cheese Am I? I’m a washed-rind cheese made with raw cow’s milk
Where Am I From? Meadow Creeky Dairy in Galax, Virgina
Three Words That Describe Me: Brawny, smoldering, and persuasive
Fun Fact: I’m made with only the best spring and summer milk, so you can only get a piece of me 9 months out of the year
What Do I Look Like? I have an auburn rind and a golden paste
What Do I Smell Like? Like your feet after a hot summer day in your nastiest sneakers
What Do I Feel Like? Silky, pudgy custard with a sticky, slightly crunchy rind
What Do I Taste Like? An explosion of minestrone soup – all beef stock, onions, and a kick of malt vinegar
Favorite Foods: Worship me with juicy grapes or dried figs with mild crackers. Get me some dark bread and pickles and I’ll rock your world. But definitely try me naked first; I’m already the whole package.
Favorite Beverages: I’m always craving malty brown ales, but don’t be afraid to break out some pricey port, too. I’m worth it.
Where to Find Me: I’m available from late spring until wintertime. Ask your local cheesemonger where to find a wedge.
A wedge of cheese and a cold beer is my favorite easy meal.
I love unwinding from the day with something so satisfying and simple to prepare.
Crisp, refreshing ales are choice in the summertime,
which is why I reached for the One Tun Pale Ale from Colectivo Keg Co. in Wisconsin.
What’s My Name? Bonne Bouche
What Kind of Cheese Am I? I’m an ash-ripened goat cheese with a soft, wrinkly rind. My makers styled me after the famous chévres from the Loire Valley in France.
Where Am I From? Born and raised in Websterville, Vermont by Vermont Creamery
Three Words That Describe Me: Seductive, tart, lush
Fun Fact: My name is French for “good mouth(feel).” Let me melt on your palate, and you’ll understand why
What Do I Smell Like? Like fresh lemon rind and raw hazelnuts, with a funky side that develops as I ripen
What Do I Feel Like? Fluffy and cake-like when young, silky and gooey when ripe
What Do I Taste Like? Sweet, cultured butter with delicate floral notes.
Favorite Foods: My favorite accessories are fig jam, prosciutto, and warm baguette. I love getting dressed up for dessert with chocolate covered almonds, tart cherries, and almond cookies. I’m also irresistible naked.
Favorite Beverages: I love crisp and bubbly beers like saisons, they cut right through my rich insides. Good rieslings, sauvignon blanc and tart rosés also treat me very well.
Where to Find Me: Most cheese counters and specialty grocers carry me – just look for the logo.
Special thanks to Vermont Creamery for sending over a sample of me
to the Cheese Sex Death headquarters!
Many cheeses are delicious melted over cooked vegetables,
but I’m especially into what Cantal does in this situation.
Cantal is a raw cow’s milk cheese with a firm, crumbly texture and a rich buttery flavor.
It melts into silk and its slight earthiness is a perfect match for hardy summer greens.
This creamy little thing might look innocent, but don’t be fooled.
She’s similar to cheesecake, but lighter on her feet with a titillating tang that’ll leave you wanting more.
She’s an easy one, too; a simple dessert with few ingredients:
two fresh cheeses whipped with lemon curd and poured into a cookie crust.
She’s an ideal canvas for summer berries and fresh herbs.