Rosé and Cheese All Day
What’s My Name? Marieke Gouda Aged.
What Kind of Cheese Am I? A raw cow’s milk gouda, made with local milk using an Old World Dutch recipe and aged 9-12 months.
Where Am I From? Thorp, Wisconsin.
Three Words That Describe Me: mature, charming, and rugged.
Fun Fact: I’m a Wisconsin original, but I’m made using cultures and equipment imported directly from Holland.
What Do I Look Like? Champagne-colored paste studded with crystals, enrobed in an orange rind.
What Do I Smell Like? Tangy and sweet, like butterscotch.
What Do I Feel Like? Firm and flaky with a crunch from the Tyrosine crystals.
What Do I Taste Like? Wholesome and buttery, with robust notes of toffee
Favorite Foods: Shave thin slices of me onto baguette and dollop with fig preserves or drizzle me with bourbon caramel and pair with apples.
Favorite Beverages: Strong and stirred whiskey cocktails bring out my caramel sweetness. Contrast my sweet side with hot black coffee or a dark, burly stout.
Raw milk cheese is exactly what it sounds like. It’s cheese made with raw, or unpasteurized, milk. I like to compare eating these cheeses to doing the dirty bareback ( aka having unprotected sex): you experience so much more pleasure!
There are a lot of misconceptions and mysteries surrounding these sexy, complex cheeses. Let me help get some of your questions answered.
What’s My Name? Rush Creek Reserve
What Kind of Cheese Am I? I’m a very special cheese that only comes once a year! I’m a soft raw cow’s milk cheese with a washed rind that’s bound in spruce bark and aged for 60 days.
Where Am I From? Uplands Cheese in Dodgeville, Wisconsin
Three Words That Describe Me: Burly, supple, and transcendent
Fun Fact: Uplands Cheese only makes two cheeses, Pleasant Ridge Reserve and me. My sister cheese is made only with summer milk from grassfed cow’s, I’m made with rich autumn milk from cow’s that are eating hay.
What Do I Smell Like? Resin and pine
What Do I Feel Like? Soft like frosting
What Do I Taste Like? Beef and custard with a hint of smoke
Favorite Foods: I’m best enjoyed alone with a spoon or a hunk of sourdough. If you want to go crazy, try me with bacon or some crunchy potatoes, like french fries or roasted fingerlings. My rich paste begs for something crisp and bright, like dill pickles or tart apples.
Favorite Beverages: Pair me with your favorite thing to sip by the fireplace, like dry ciders, dark ales, or whiskey cocktails. I’m especially delectable with a Scotch Manhattan.
Where to Find Me: I come around once a year, along with the holidays. You can usually find me around Thanksgiving but I’ll disappear before the new year. Ask your local cheese shop or whole foods if they’re expecting me.
What I’ll Cost You: About $30-34 per wheel (aprox. 12 oz)
Look for the label:
Mac n’ Cheese has a sexy Italian cousin and it’s name is Cacio e Pepe. It sounds really fancy, but it’s just buttered noodles tossed with lots of cheese and black pepper. It’s an extremely quick, easy, and sexy dinner that definitely begs for a bottle of something red and juicy.
A farmstead cheese is created with milk from animals that live on the same grounds where the cheese is made, as opposed to milk sourced from another farm. My friend Colin Coyle, cheesemonger at Eataly in Chicago, gave me the rundown while feeding me three beautiful farmstead cheeses from Il Palagiaccio, a historic farm in Tuscany, Italy that he recently visited.
Last week, I salivated over one of my new lovers, Emmentaler AOP. But I never told you how good this cheese is melted. This burly hunk is wonderful by itself or on a cheese board, don’t get me wrong. But add a rustic crunchy slice of grilled rye bread, whole grain mustard, and pickles to rip through that buttery beefcake, and you got an orgasm on a plate. A quickie, too.
When I studied abroad in Germany, my favorite breakfast was toasted rye bread with mustard and melted cheese. I ate this almost every day. I didn’t get sick of it either; I grew so fond of the rich, gooey cheese draped over dark, seed-flecked bread. I started to crave that breakfast. It gave me motivation to get up and jog, knowing there was a cheesy promise on the other side. I was also vegetarian at the time, and considering the general makeup of the German diet (meat), I had little choice but to lean hard on cheese.
Every time I make a cheesy toast, it brings me right back to my host mother’s little kitchen in her ancient house on the Rhein river.
Rye Tartine with Emmentaler OG
Emmentaler is the single most iconic Swiss cheese, but I bet you’ve never eaten one like this before. Over the years, generic Swiss cheese has flooded the market, making the true OG a severely endangered species. But those bland, rubbery, shrink-wrapped imitations have nothing on the real Emmentaler.
I often compare wonderful food to beautiful women. An infamous Instagram post in which I compared a perfect quiche to Kate Upton’s voluptuous breasts actually dismantled a friendship – inevitable, but still sad. Anyway, I compare good food to sexy ladies because they combine my two most basic primal instincts: eating and fucking. So when other people make the same comparison, I get really excited.
A couple weeks ago, the following image of Lola Montez waltzed into my Facebook feed and I was entranced.