CHEESE | SEX | DEATH

A Modern Guide for Cheese Lovers

Tips for Summer Cheese Plates When It’s Hot AF Out

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Summer Cheese Plates

Clockwise from left: Cremont from Vermont Creamery, kumquat mostarda, charcoal crackers, Oma from Jasper Hill Farm, Red currants, 34 Degrees crisps, golden raspberries, Bayley Hazen Blue from Jasper Hill Farm, black currants, and basil.

It’s getting hot out there
so take out all your cheese

 A cheese platter is always the perfect meal, especially in the heat of late summer.
They’re portable and make the best picnic,
you don’t have to turn on the stove or oven,
and they make a seductive little canvas for the fruits of the season.

It’s important to approach late-summer platters with finesse,
otherwise the sun and sticky humidity will turn that pretty spread into a hot mess.

Here are a few tips to help you keep your chill
when you’re cheesing in the heat.

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Goat Cheese-Stuffed Peppadew Peppers

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Goat Cheese-Stuffed Peppadews

All lubed up and ready for your platter pleasures

Peppadews are tiny little sweet peppers that look like cherry tomatoes.
You’ll find them in the pickle section of the grocery store, sold in jars and preserved in vinegar or oil.
They’re adorable little peppers, with a petite frame, crisp texture, and beautiful bright red color.

You can slice them up for sandwiches or toss them with pasta.

Or you can stuff them full of chive goat cheese,
drown them in olive oil, and
pop them one by one.

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Asparagus Pasta with Lemon Mascarpone Sauce

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Asparagus Pasta

The Cream Dream Sauce

When asparagus is in season, it doesn’t need a lot of foreplay:
a quick dance in a garlicky sautée pan, a bed of good pasta,
and the dreamiest lemon mascarpone sauce you’ve ever mouthed.

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American Goat Ladies: The Founding Mothers of American Artisan Cheese

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American Goat Ladies Mother's Day Cheese PlateHoly Mothers of Cheese!

Mother’s Day is this weekend, so I want to give a shoutout to our founding mothers of cheese.
They’re known as the American Goat Cheese Ladies.
Back in the early 80’s, Americans mostly ate Kraft singles. Great cheese just wasn’t available.
So women all over the country began making it.
Some were inspired by the back-to-the-land movement of the 70’s.
Some had discovered artisan goat cheese abroad and wanted to bring it back home.
All of them took a risk for us and started a cheese revolution.

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WTF is Chèvre?

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Fresh Chèvre

Fresh Chèvre Log from Montchèvre

🌷 Springtime = Chèvre Time 🐐

“Chèvre,” pronounced “shev,” is a type of goat cheese that’s
either from France or just made in the French style.
When fresh, chèvre is soft and creamy with a bright, tangy flavor.
As it ages, it becomes firm, the flavors intensify, and a rind develops.

Spring is my favorite time of year to eat chèvre.
Like fruits and vegetables, cheese is seasonal too.

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Goat Cheesy Scrambled Eggs

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Goat Cheesy Scrambled Eggs

Gobs of Goat Cheese with Scrambled Eggs 

I love me a nice, hot scramble – especially when it’s cheesy.
 The cheese keeps it delicious even if you overcook the eggs.
Cheese has your back like that.

These cheesy scrambled eggs are light and springy with a goaty tang.
Smear onto some crunchy toast and
watch  it spread like butter.

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Overnight Egg Strata with Roasted Tomatoes and Cheese Curds

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Egg Strata with The Lone Grazer Creamery cheese curds, roasted tomatoes and ciabatta  

Don’t You Want to
Wake and Bake This Strata?

My birthday is in late May (the 29th), so a couple weeks ago I hosted a brunch to celebrate. I gathered a few friends, poured a couple rounds of mimosas and set out a great feast of cheesy breakfast foods. The stand out favorite was this warm, custardy egg strata.

Egg strata is a baked casserole of stale bread, eggs, and a bit of milk – kind of like a baked french toast. It’s extremely easy and the modifications are limited only to your imagination- you can put just about anything in it. I had a bag of cheese curds on hand, a gift from The Lone Grazer creamery, so I decided to incorporate them into this strata with roasted tomatoes and fresh basil – a classic flavor combination. Why reinvent the wheel?

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Chevre Cheesecake with Almond Crust

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Chevre bars with almond meal crust

Your Cake Needs a Little Chevre
Let’s Get Cheesy

Put down the cream cheese! You deserve better than that, so use fresh goat cheese and mascarpone instead. Don’t get me wrong, I love cheesecake. When I was little, my nana made cheesecake all of the time and I would go crazy on it. I mean, two pieces after a full meal. I still have dreams about it… but only dreams. Now that I’m an adult, just one slice after dinner is a one-way ticket to acid reflux city. The amount of saturated fat and sugar in traditional cheesecake is a perfect recipe for digestion apocalypse. Save yourself from torture and make a chevre cheesecake with real, nutritious cheese and a toasted almond crust. You might even like it better this way.

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How to Make Healthy Strawberry Shortcake

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Strawberry Shortcake

Now You Can Eat Strawberry Shortcake
For Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

This isn’t one of those healthy hacks that sacrifices all reasons for eating dessert in the first place. It’s less sweet, but if you’re using in-season strawberries you really don’t need the extra sugar. Because the base is a mixture of oat flour and whey protein, it’s also hearty and satiating. You can actually eat it for dinner and it will keep you full. This recipe is also an excuse to eat more strawberries. Make it for your dad this weekend, even though he’s on a diet.

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Lavender Gin Martini

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Lavender Martini

Last Friday, I was blessed with a media pass to dinner at CH Distillery. I’ve been a fan of their excellent line of liquors since they opened, but I had never stopped in for even a cocktail. That’s probably because I’m so broke that if I don’t get the option to write my way into a free dinner, I don’t get to go out. That’s my life as a “freelancer,” which is code word for “I’m in between jobs but I’m super duper creative and sometimes get paid money for artsy gigs that help pay for my artisanal cheese addiction.”

Anyway, we had a great experience. We sampled their cocktails, seasonal menu, and line of house-distilled spirits. Now I’m all geared up for spring time gin cocktails, only my liquor cabinet is almost dried up, save a collection of bitters, a near empty (now empty) bottle of gin, and dry vermouth. Luckily, the kind of cocktail I usually want doesn’t need much beyond a quality liquor. I want something strong and complex. I want a martini, but with a sensitive streak.

Enter the lavender martini, a cocktail with a simple floral note that enhances the natural flavors of the gin. It works especially well with the Key Lime Gin from CH Distillery, which already has a touch of lavender.

Lavender Martini

Serves 1
Ingredients //

  • 2.5 oz gin
  • 0.5 oz dry vermouth
  • 1 drop lavender essential oil // 1/2 teaspoon lavender simple syrup if you need some shuga
  • Strip of lemon rind for garnish

Equipment //

  • Chilled martini glass
  • Cocktail shaker
  • Ice

Add gin, vermouth, oil or syrup, and a couple ice cubes to the cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously for about thirty seconds and strain into a chilled martini glass. Rub a lemon rind around the rim and drop it in for garnish. Enjoy!