The Bachelorette Cheese Plate
This one is for all my cheese sluts who love watching the Bachelorette alongside some sultry snacks. Pour yourself some rosé and feast your eyes on this Bachelorette cheese plate. I assigned each contestant a cheese, except for Luke P, because he doesn’t deserve one. Don’t worry, he’s still there—you know, for the ratings.
Below are all of the contestants and the cheeses with which I paired them. For the record, I’m team MontAmoré.
Tyler C: MontAmoré Cheddar
A sweet n’ crunchy little snack who gets along with everyone and everything, just like Tyler C! MontAmoré is a down-to-earth Wisconsin cheddar who starts off crumbly but melts into a seductive cream dream once he warms up to ya. I paired this fan fav with tomato jam from Jammy Yummy in Florida, Tyler’s home state.
Jed: Fromager d’Affinois
This mild Frenchie is often called “Brie”, but it actually isn’t a brie at all, due to the way it’s made. It’s just labeled that way so people know what it tastes like, just like how Jed labeled himself as “single” to get on the show. It’s soft, sexy, and a little basic, but you still can’t resist the urge to eat it all up. I paired this spreadable stud with some crunchy little candied pecans from Tenessee, Jed’s home state.
Pilot Pete: Burrata
Boyish but surprisingly sexual, this fresh young thang is a total crowd pleaser just like Pilot Pete. Sure, it’s kind of boring, but this softie plays well with so many flavors. I paired him up with Italian EVOO, crunchy salt, and crackers from Rustic Bakery in California, Pete’s home state.
Luke P: Pile of Bologna
He’s full of shit and on a separate plate because he’s not on the same level as everyone else. Honestly, fuck that guy. No pairings because no one likes him (except Hannah and the producers, I guess).
Alabama Hannah: Pimento Cheese
The southern belle whom everyone falls for! Both Hannah and Pimento are sexy and adventurous, but you can still bring them home to your conservative folks and they’ll love ’em too. This girl is down for anything—and at the end of the day, she does pair pretty well with bologna, and we may all have to live with that.