A cheese for every sign in the zodiac and also what to pair with it.
(March 21 – April 19)
The quintessential fire signs, Aries align with strong cheeses whose fiercely distinct flavor profiles dominate the palate, like Rogue Creamery’s Smokey Blue. Gently cold-smoked over hazelnut shells, this bold blue has a bacon-y flavor reminiscent of crème brûlée and campfire. It’s the first of its kind in the world, fitting for the first sign in the zodiac. Indulge your upbeat nature and pair it with coffee-infused chocolate.
(April 20 – May 20)
Tauruses get a bad rep for being hard-headed and self-indulgent, but they’re also one of the most grounded, generous, and down-to-earth signs of the zodiac. They need a cheese with some barny funk, like Grayson from Meadow Creek Dairy. Don’t be fooled by the bold stink on this raw-milk washed rind cheese. Underneath its amber-hued exterior lies a pudgy inside that tastes of rich custard and beef stock. Independent like a Taurus, this cheese stands alone, but if you want to get really decadent, melt it onto toast and top with pickles.
(May 21 – June 20)
It’s no secret that Geminis are infamous for their eccentricities, but there’s more to these social butterflies than their duality. The intelligent, intuitive twin signs don’t just seek attention, they get it. What other cheese can represent these drama queens than Harbison? This bark-wrapped dreamboat is shy and mild when young, but ripens into an oozing porn star that demands the spotlight. Bring out her sexiest side by gently warming her in the oven and serving with french fries.
(June 21 – July 22)
Burrata di Bufala
A summer birthday deserves a summer cheese, and Burrata di Bufala hits the spot on a hot sunny day. Like Cancers, this fresh cheese is harder on the outside, but once you break through that firm mozzarella exterior you’ll find a generously creamy, indulgent center. If mishandled, these delicate spheres tend to burst, representing these deeply-sensitive, hyper-emotional water signs to a T. Add one of these brine-bathed, luminous spheres to your next salad or atop a pizza—but whatever you do, eat it fast! Burrata is best enjoyed fresh, and you don’t want her to sour on you. Trust me.
(July 23 – August 22)
Driven by the desire for love and admiration, Leos know they’re awesome and need a cheese that embodies their diva attitude. No one can deny the popularity and sex appeal of Mt.Tam from Cowgirl Creamery. This mild, buttery cheese always come first in line during a tasting, a natural-born leader just like Leos. You’re not afraid to get a little dramatic, either, so go ahead and indulge by stuffing Mt. Tam with slivered garlic, wrapping her up in pastry dough, and baking until golden and gooey.
(August 23 – September 22)
These perfectionists of the zodiac are detail-oriented, kind-hearted, indecisive, and often shy at first. But don’t be fooled by their seeming innocence: Virgos are famously passionate in the sack. Also known to be overly critical, they need a dependable cheese that has experience popping the cherries of virgin cheese sluts. Humboldt Fog is the ultimate gateway: as white as virgin snow and streaked with beautiful lines of black ash, it’s impossible not to fall in love with her poundcake-y texture and lemon buttercream flavor. Get a little sassy and pair her with fresh figs and prosciutto.
(September 23 – October 22)
Libras are diplomatic and used to saying yes to others, which can often lead them to the point of indecision. These pragmatic types need a cheese that will spark their active imaginations and satisfy them no matter what their mood. Balanced and agreeable, Gouda is the perfect companion. From tangy young wedges to aged, crystal-studded varieties, no one can say no to this dependable classic. Pair with pecan-studded toffee to spark your active imagination.
(October 23 – November 21)
Passionate and assertive yet calm and collected, sexy Scorpios need a cheese as misunderstood as they are. Enter Mimolette. With a craggy rind mottled by cheese mites and a pumpkin-orange interior, this classic French vixen looks intimidating, but its magnetic charm will seduce even the most adamant skeptic. Like Scorpio, Mimolette’s fierce authenticity often gets it in trouble: in 2013, the US banned the import of this cheese due to the use of cheese mites. Don’t worry though, Mimolette is back in the states, so pair this nutty sex-bomb with fried sage and country pâté.
(November 22 – December 21)
Curious, extroverted, and eager to travel, Sagittarii are always thirsty for worldly experience. These intellects seek out adventure wherever they go and are best matched with a hunk that has a little history behind it. Nothing fits these globetrotters like Manchego, the official cheese of Don Quixote. This Spanish sheep’s milk suitor is famous for its loveable notes of toasted almonds and unctuous, buttery texture. Pair with something as sophisticated as yourself, like Spanish sherry.
(December 22 – January 19)
Analytical Capricorns can come off as stubborn, but they just know what they want, and are determined to get it. Symbolized by the sea goat, these highly intellectual earth signs require a chevre that’s just as bright, like citrus-y Coupole from Vermont Creamery. This snowy dome is known for its iconic cerebral wrinkles that resemble the surface of the brain, an insta-ready cheese that’s perfect for nerdy Capricorns, who are notoriously obsessed with appearances. Slice into wedges, dollop with pear preserves, and take yourself a little less seriously for once.
(January 20 – February 18)
Unconventional and intelligent, Aquarians tend to yearn for mental stimulation. There’s no cheese more apt to meet the challenge than Comté, a cheese over which you can really nerd out. This meticulously crafted cheese boasts 83 official descriptors to capture its array of flavor profiles. Comté is renowned for complex flavors that range from toasted nuts, to roasted vegetables, to leather. Don’t be intimidated: just like these air signs, Comté is friendly and approachable. It’s also fierce enough to stand on its own, so serve with a simple glass of bubbles for cleansing the palate between bites.
(February 19 – March 20)
Strong and affectionate, Pisces are known for their intuition, compassion, and lively imaginations. They’re romantics and dreamers at heart, often fantasizing about what could be rather than what is. Their perfect match is Stilton, which takes its name from the lush, fairytale landscape in southeastern England but is actually made well north of London. Studies suggest that a nighttime helping of this salty stud can stimulate one’s dreams, a supernatural effect sure to please these slippery water signs. Pair with a rich nightcap, like chocolate stout.